


Return Me To The Heavens

by MaxandMatthew24



Series: The Endless Intrusive Thoughts Train [2]
Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, mention of YohaRiko for a moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxandMatthew24/pseuds/MaxandMatthew24
Summary: PLEASE READ THE TAGSDO NOT READ WITHOUT READING THE TAGS FIRST
Series: The Endless Intrusive Thoughts Train [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069916
Kudos: 2





	Return Me To The Heavens

_ Nothing matters anymore. I feel like complete shit. I shouldn’t have never been born. But no, here I am, a walking pity party. It should have been me that died in the womb. I’m a burden to my mother and those around me. It’s exhausting to seem like everything is ok. Nothing is ok. No wonder I hide my feelings with being a fallen angel. There’s nothing angelic about me.  _

  
  


Yohane sat up in bed. 

  
  


_ I can’t fucking sleep. My head won’t shut the fuck up. What the hell is even the point anymore?  _

  
  


The blankets were moved. 

  
  


_ Everyone says they support my transition but it feels like they don’t. Why do I have to live up to male gender roles to be considered a man? Why can’t I take my transition at my own pace?! Transitioning isn’t going to make my depression go away, I need to be ready for that. My name is changed yeah, but that’s just documents. That doesn’t change me physically.  _

  
  


Slow, hesitant footsteps filled the dark hallway. 

  
  


_ I won’t become anything in life. My body fucking hurts. I’m a waste of time and space. No one will miss me anyway. Does Lily even love me? Or does she feel bad for me and agreed to date me out of pity? Or to have someone to hook up with?  _

  
  


Yohane stood still in the kitchen. 

  
  


_ Why the fuck do I need medication to be mentally stable? Why can’t I just be fucking normal? No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be normal. Or even enjoy life. I don’t even remember a time where I felt happy about being alive. My childhood was filled with endless anxiety that I don’t even know what it’s like to not be anxious. From the eating problems and identity crisis, I was a mess.  _

  
  


He walked slowly to where the knives were. 

  
  


_ Life isn’t worth it. Life isn’t worth it. Life isn’t worth it.  _

  
  


A hand rose up, reaching for a knife. 

  
  


_ No matter how hard I try, I’ll always be in pain. Whether that’s from physical, mental or both. I’ll be suffering the rest of my life. Why not just end it here so I can stop the cycle of pain. Take away the burden on my mother.  _

  
  


“Return me to the heavens.” 


End file.
